Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Lost in A Series of Unfortunate Event- Episode 2: Diamonds in the Sky

This time in our episode-by-episode synopsis/reviews: Han Solo and This Planet is Cursed!

This level of detail will involve heavy spoilers for each episode. [Danger Pun Goes Here].

- Episode two begins with Don West, Dr. Smith, and a chicken coming to jammed in their restraints in a crashed, fractured ship hanging over a precipice. Already better than Episode 1!

- Don saves everyone while flippantly tossing out one-liners. Seriously, I was iffy about Solo: A Star Wars Story before, but now I don't even have to see it. Don West is the best Han Solo in years.

- We then shift to the Robinsons patching up the Jupiter 2 with the aid of Deus ex Robot and his space magic.

- Okay, Don Solo hasn't saved everyone. Tammy is dead. So Don loots her boots. Don is obviously a veteran tabletop gamer.
Always Roll the Bodies

- Judy has PTSD from her brush with death, but refuses to show it to her family, especially her somewhat estranged and stalwart father, John "Action Hero" Robinson. This is actual character development! 

- Dr. Smith has already read Don like a book and started building the persona that will make him help her. Dance, puppets!

- A 3D printed leg brace can compensate for two broken bones and deep surgical lacerations! It's Science! Maureen can now hector her kids with full mobility!

- Middle Kid Penny sees an explosion! Maureen (heavily wounded and up to now unhelpful) wants to go on the hike to see what it is. Oh, and wants her husband to be a mouthpiece for her will.

- The colony authorized 3D printer will let you have a magic leg brace, but no firearms...because frontier settlers have no need for such things as firearms for hunting or defense. I mean, everyone dies of dysentery before you get there, anyway.

- And now, today's Maureen Moment! Maureen passive aggressively excoriates her husband for trying and failing to keep the family safe. Meanwhile, she has complete trust in her own plans (we've seen none) and actions (we've seen none) and in the total cipher that is the alien robot she has just met.

Oh, Maureen, you silly minx! Till next time!

- Don and Dr. Smith discover Angela, a wounded and unconscious crash survivor. What if there are others?

- Middle Kid Penny sees Oreos!

- The explosion was the crash site of Jupiter 17. Did anyone survive?

- Middle Kid Penny sees a storm! Mom, Dad, and Will are in danger. Seriously, stop looking at things! This planet is cursed!

- Sister Judy and Penny fight over whether to burn through the ice slow and safe, consigning their parents and brother to mortal jeopardy, or burn through fast and possibly kill themselves. Middle Kid Penny sees the shiny buttons and makes the call: They'll go fast and then use the Chariot/Mako/Golf Cart to rescue the fam!
It originally looked like this, but the colony doesn't allow guns.

- The Chariot has no wheels. This planet is cursed!

- The alien ship makes a noise. Maureen immediately forsakes her daughters to chase fame and glory making discoveries. For Science! (To be fair, John does go along with this.) 

- Don sees an explosion, then a storm, then physically carries Unconscious Angela over his shoulders. John "Action Hero" Robinson has competition.

- Epic one woman pit crew! Middle Kid Penny sees her sister frozen with PTSD, then takes off in the Chariot.

- Will and Robot play catch, revealing that Will is more at ease with an impassive, godlike, potentially violent alien construct than with his own father. Man, this dysfunction is depressing. Isn't this supposed to be entertainment? 

- Will shares the Robot's memory of the attack on the Resolute via... electroshock? I'm just gonna go with This Ship is Cursed!

- Exploring inside the momentarily powered up ship, Maureen discovers they are in an unknown galaxy.

- Will discovers the Robot will obey his commands. Why? The Robot is Cursed!

- Dr. Smith leaves Don and Angela to "go get help". This will end well. I can feel it.

- Diamond hail!?!? This Planet is Cursed!

- Deus ex Robot does a lighthouse impression.

- Middle Kid Penny's epic Golf Cart Rally makes it to her folks. Safe inside, Maureen thanks Penny for, wait. For her quick think...nope, not that either. Ah, yes. For finishing her chores!

Priorities, Maureen!

- John Robinson pulls back into the lead for Supreme Action Hero by heading back into the storm when he sees an emergency flare. Good thing Dr. Smith went for help and left that flare for Don!

- Dr. Smith has duped and double-crossed Don (gasp!), leaving him and Unconscious Angela stranded in a hail of diamond hard rocks. 

I guess you could say that she's 

Stone Cold. Yeeeeaaahhh!!

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